but you are the sun

I winced as I recalled the events that neared me to death. The sea had called to me, that day, asking me to play. I willingly gave into its flirtatious touch and mischievous demeanor. We laughed, we talked, we lingered. I let it sweep me farther and farther into the deep. Soon, the blue-green waters turned to a royal navy, the cerulean sky to an ashy grey. The peace I felt as I floated was disrupted as a choppy wave convulsed underneath me, pulling me under and filling my throat with salt. My balance was lost, my breath was gone. I gazed up as a menacing wave bared down above my head and the world dissolved around me. For what felt like hours, the waves battered my body and bruised my soul. Even then, I couldn’t find any hate for my beloved ocean. I asked its hand to pull me up, but to no avail. The roar of the sea was deafening, I started to lose myself.

That’s where he found me. The fiery red fish. The creature had appeared out of the maelstrom, from which direction, I couldn’t tell. He drew me out of the chaos, allowing me to cling to his tough exterior. Gaining awareness, I realized that what I was laying upon were glittering rubies laid together like scales. I sat close to his head as the rest of his body stretched several feet behind me, like some sort of sea dragon. I looked around and found that his eyes were broad like dinner plates, but they were most intriguing because they were the color of precious topaz. He stared, earnestly, forward as he cut through the waves. Apprehension ebbing, I was left to contemplate my smallness.

As we swam, I discovered that his ruby scales were flecked with a prism of color. Blues that morphed into yellows and greens, purples that flowed into oranges, all lain in a foundation of pearly silver. His bright, topaz eye flicked back to look at me; and I turned my own upward, apprehensive of his gaze. I was instantly distracted by the sudden calmness of the sea, the sun as it peeked from behind the clouds. I looked up too bluer skies and felt the sprinkle of a spring shower. It cooled my aching body and eased my wounded soul. The warmth of the creature thawed my skin as we cut through the waves. We swam faster and faster and yet there was so end in sight.

As we swam, the current gained momentum and the waves began to swell. I felt the fish’s body tense against the increasing pressure. I tightened my grip as we were jostled between waves. Suddenly the sky grew dark, once again. Disorientation hit me as an elongated shadow appeared above our heads while the cerulean sky continued to stretch on for miles ahead of us. Just as I turned my head to see the towering wavs, they came crashing down. My fingers slipped and were cut by the jagged edges of the rubies. I had lost the fish; he had lost me. Unable to see. Unable to breathe. Unable to call out, I was buffeted by the waves, and I plummeted to the bottom of the ocean. Through the bedlam, I started to imagine what it felt like to be riding upon the fish’s back. Now that he had gone, I realized just how warm he was to the touch, how protected his dazzling eyes made me feel. I missed him. I needed him. A tremendous grief buffeted me stronger than any of the waves could. I was lost without him. I reached out, pleading with the storm to end my suffering.

Suddenly, a rush of water pushed down on my body was dragged upward. I broke the surface, spluttering and coughing, once again upon the fish’s back. I looked down at him and my eyes welled up with tears. You found me. I lay my face across his ruby laden body and breathed in his warmth. Waiting patiently, he looked at me, I stared back at him and with determination, we both turned to face the system of rogue waves that stood before us. Each distinct in size and strength, they glared at us with malintent. They cast dark shadows over us, blocking out the sunlight. The saltwater stung the fresh cuts on my hands making it difficult to grip the fish. His topaz eyes flicked back at me once again, noticing my discomfort. He closed his eyes, his body trembled, and I almost slipped again as his body flowed from his fiery red to a deep purple. The texture of the tough rough rubies melted away under my fingertips, transforming into soft flower petals. Two longer petals sprouted where my hands had been, closed around my wrist, securing me. I was almost too astonished at the fish’s transformation to notice that he had decidedly began to rip through the system of waves, once again driving us to safety. The rogue waves were unforgiving and relentless. They crashed into us over and

over and

over and

over and…

Was it over?

When I opened my yes, I was on the shore of an empty island. A sandy beach spread for miles on either side of me. Large rocks were strewn across the sand, and a short cliffside stood about half a mile from where I had washed up. Behind me, thick clusters of palm trees blocked my view of the rest of the island. In front of me, the vast expanse of the sea. I stared out at the water, glittering in the sun. It called to me, just like before, but it no longer excited or intrigued me. Instead, I felt mocked and betrayed. The sea, whom I thought loved me as limitless as it was endless, had done nothing but hurt me. The fish had gone, my only friend, taken by the sea as well. I looked down as the now gentle waves lapped at my feet, I turned my back to it, refusing to look back.

The cuts on my hands and the bruises on my body took days to heal. During that time, a deep animosity for the sea solidified in my chest. My anger turned into determination, and I decided to work. I worked to be stronger. I worked to be happier. I worked to show the sea that despite its valiant effort, I had not broken me. I knew I would have to learn to survive on this new home. I set out to find a way to make a shelter. Using the large rocks against smaller sinewy ones, I fashioned cutting and hammering tools. They were too small to use for chopping, and so I traveled down the beach to find smaller trees from which I could reach the branches. The fronds of the palm trees were strong and useful. I first used the dead leaves and my new cutting tools to start a fire, then heated the healthy fronds to keep them from tearing apart. I chose a loose cluster of trees and started to build around it. Slowly, my small shelter began to take form. I fashioned walls from the largest of the rocks that I could carry and thatched a roof from the heat-treated palms.

As I worked, I started to enjoy the warmth of the sun. Each day, it filled my lungs with an incandescent heat that slowly stitched my wounded soul back together. Its warmth reminded me of the fiery red fish. The one that had saved me. I welcomed it, like I had welcomed the fish’s help. The Sun. It became my companion. When I felt the heat of the sun, I felt happiness flow through me. When I looked up at the clear sky, I felt bravery radiating from my heart. When the sun shone down on me, I felt love flow through my veins. After some days, I found myself looking at a small, motley house I could call my own. One I built, fortified, and cared for myself. A sense of confidence flooded through me as I looked at my work. With my back decidedly turned towards the ocean and the sun’s comforting touch on my skin, I stepped inside.

After some time, while walking along the cliffside, a flash of red caught my eye. My head snapped up quickly, scanning the ocean for the ruby laden fish. He jumped out of the water again, displaying his fiery red brilliance to the world. He had returned! Excitedly, I ran down to the beach, stopping just short of the shoreline. I hadn’t touched the sea since the day I had arrived. Though the sun lay on my skin, fear pulsed through me. What…if…the waves. Those thundering murderous waves. I caught another glimpse of the fish. I needed to see him. I needed to thank him. I tore my feet from the sand and ran into the sea.

Just short of a few steps, I stopped and gazed at the spectacle before me. I could see it ebbing off of my skin. The warmth of the sun, running through me, had parted the seas. I stood on the sea bottom, within a circle of sand, and marveled at the walls of water that circled around me. Tears fell from my eyes. It was over. I had no more reason to fear the sea, for the sun was with me. I ran towards the fish and found him suspended in a wall of water. His friendly eyes shimmered at me. I smiled and touched the water where his face was. Thank you. He closed his topaz eyes, and I could see his body tremble like it had before. Once again, his fire, red rubies fell away, but this time, in their place flares of orange and yellow blazed outward from his body. They fanned out with an astonishing brilliance, pluming into wisps of royal blues and purples at the ends. When he opened his eyes, they were emeralds sparkling at me through the wall of water. I admired his grandeur. He looked like the sun.

I yearned to stay with him, to follow him forever, but I knew it wasn’t possible. He turned to go, taking his radiance with him. I walked back to the beach, the sun still pouring out of me. I watched the sand underneath my feet and thought, for just a moment, that the sea had not taken him away at all. He was of the sea. One could not be without the other, their lives symbiotic. He learned from the sea in the same manner I had learned from the sun. As I stepped onto the shore, the waves crashed back down. This time, I turned and looked out at it, no longer harboring hate and animosity. I let the waves lap at my feet, the sun asked for my hand. I looked up, smiling, and let its warmth wash over me.