Video Games Cause Violence

Microsoft put a virtual gun in my hand,

taught me how to press X to shoot

at nameless faces with no thought.

Then the gun turned to metal and plastic,

pixelated bodies became flesh and bone.

Video games groomed me into a killer,

rewired my moldable mind with its ideals.

That’s why on weekends you’ll find me

disappearing into pipes and jumping over mushrooms,

I trim my lawn with a sword in hopes

of finding green, red, and blue gems.

At night, I gorge on lines of blinking white pills

so I can hunt down sickly, blue ghosts.

Sometimes I go to South America for ancient treasures

in a top that makes my tits look sharp enough to poke an eye out.

I wake up before the rooster crows

to diligently water my parsnips and kill off slime.

Look up to the stars and you’ll see me defending earth

from swarms of space insects in an American colored starfighter.

Now excuse me as I catch a flight to Florence to jump off towers

and see if I can land safely in a pile of hay.